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Resignation in a Bottle

Christine Layton is an English teacher, freelance writer, and ukulele player. She is currently marooned on the island of Oahu, Hawaii with her husband, two cats, and two rabbits. Her nonfiction writing can be found in various publications from Rabbits USA magazine to Cracked.com. Christine's short stories can be found on DailyScienceFiction.com and MadScientistJournal.com.
From: Captain "Long Beard" Johnson
The Island at 34 degrees longitude, 86 degrees latitude
Atlantic Ocean
June 4th or 5th-- or maybe the 6th?
Dear Mutinous Crew,
I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Your Captain of the Sea Wench, effective immediately. Due to last week's mutiny, I no longer feel that the position of Your Captain is where I want to be in my life.
I thank you for the opportunity to be marooned on this deserted island because now I am free to pursue my own dreams. I've enjoyed pirating with the crew and I appreciate the support and encouragement you've all given me (up until the mutiny, that is).
Overall, I've enjoyed working with the pirate community on various booty-looting projects. I still fondly remember the time we looted the coast of Zanzibar, and I will not let walking the plank at the point of your cutlasses tarnish these warm memories.
I must admit though, that I haven't been content with the current situation for some time. Over the past seven days I've become less and less satisfied with my changing role within the organization. In my humble opinion, the direction of the company took a swift downturn when you all decided to strand me on this tropical island and elect Slim Pete as your new captain. Frankly, I think the decision was shortsighted and the transition was rather abrupt.
In short, I feel that my new role as marooned ex-captain is preventing me from making a significant contribution to the pirating organization. Therefore, it is with deep regret that I ask you to accept this as my letter of resignation. Hopefully this parchment in a bottle will find you quickly, though I have no idea now where the Sea Wench has sailed off to.
Additionally, as I step down as Your Captain, I would like to make it clear that my first mate, Smitty, had nothing to do with the unfortunate scurvy outbreak, the dysentery incident, or the misplaced chest of doubloons from our last raiding project. Please give Smitty another chance, and transfer him from the brig to a position of more responsibility.
If I can be of any help during Slim Pete's transition into the position of Your Captain, please let me know. You will be able to reach me at my current address for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately.
Sincerely,
L.B.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, December 6th, 2017


This story was inspired by the many jobs I have left in my wake. Hamster wrangler, internet detective, bagel jockey, coffee slopper... for the most part, I walked away on my own terms. That is to say, I've never been forced to walk the plank at the point of a cutlass. However I was fired from my position as part-time donut princess without any notification. As I tied my apron one day, the boss asked, "Why are you here? We fired you last week." Let's just say if I had owned a cutlass, I would have known where to stick it.

- Christine M Layton

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