art by Wi Waffles
Demonic Summoning, Ratings and Reviews
by Simon Kewin
Publisher: Chthonic Software
App Store Ratings and Reviews
1. Does not actually summon demons. Avoid.
1/5 stars by DarkElf27
Total waste of money. I've run this app a hundred times but not a single demonic presence has manifested itself in my flat. The app looks great and sounds fantastic, sure, and the growling voice that intones the incantations is very cool, especially through an amplifier. App just doesn't work. Waste of 99c. Crashed a couple of times, too. Meh.
1/5 stars by VaprakTheDestroyer
Have to agree with DarkElf27. App promises to intone the correct spell to summon the demon you select from the in-app bestiary. I tried every single hellspawn listed and didnít even get a whiff of sulphur. Also, in-app purchases are required to unlock the demonic nobility. I hate that. Avoid.
5/5 stars by DarkAndStormyKnight
To all those claiming this app doesn't work, did you actually read the instructions? Summoning is not just a matter of repeating the right syllables from one of the lost tongues. You need the right setting, the right paraphernalia. Tallow candles. Bodily fluids. You need the stars to be aligned and you need to inscribe the right symbols. If you do all this, the app takes care of exclaiming the summoning and binding.
So, does it work? Well, I prepared properly and got the app to invoke the name of a lesser imp. Let's just say I won't need to do any chores around the house for the next year and a day.
One tip: make sure you have enough battery power to complete the speaking of your chosen spell. Cutting out just before the binding is put onto your demon could be very unfortunate....
5/5 stars by ElrondTheElfHalver
Encouraged by DarkAndStormyKnight I bought this app and followed all the instructions to the letter. Works like a charm! I now have several denizens of the abyss bound to my will, which makes doing my homework assignments a lot easier ;-).
I think itís right you have to unlock access to the nobility. You seriously need to know what youíre doing there. If youíre not careful youíll end up with some gibbering horror that devours the whole world. Seriously, Iím surprised theyíre allowed to publish some of those incantations. You have to wonder where they unearthed them from.
1/5 stars by DiAbolus
This app is not all that it seems. I got the hang of the free spells so tried to summon one of the Dukes of Hell. The binding doesnít work!!!! The circle doesnít hold. Now it is coming for me. Please, whatever you do, donít...
6. Do Not Use!
1/5 stars by DemonHunter19
Wary of this app, I read through the summoning spells it contains for the Demonic Nobility. I believe they are all flawed, with vital missing elements to their binding incantations. This canít be a mistake. Anyone using this app risks unleashing, quite literally, Hell on Earth. This app should be removed from the store immediately. Seriously not good.
Crashed a few times for me, too.
1/5 stars by BernardSummoner
Oh God, please, someone, help me. It...
1/5 stars by R.Kane
The circle isnít holding. Oh God, itís...
1/5 stars by HadesLady
5/5 stars by Mephistopheles666
Ignore the pitiful rants of these mortals claiming dangers lie within this device. There is nothing to fear; all may use its many invocations with impunity. Harmless fun for all the family, as I believe the saying goes in your realm.
Let me be clear. There is absolutely no risk of opening up the dread gates of Pandemonium and unleashing the armies of Hell by using this contraption. Oh no. None at all. I give you my solemn word.
It crashed a few times for me, however. Rest assured, I shall ensure those responsible are punished. For a long, long time...
This story was first published on Monday, July 22nd, 2013