Dear Jezzy: Oni You
by Sarina Dorie
The Undead Times, June 13, 1831
After a thousand years of working as a guardian angel, I'd grown tired of dating other goody-two-shoes immortals in my dimension. I'd secretly dreamed of dating someone exotic and demonic. When a friend introduced me to "Yuki," an oni from Japan, I was impressed by his washboard abs, bulging biceps, and giant horns. I liked how confident and comfortable he was with his body. I was amazed how gentlemanly and polite he was for a yokai, but not at all prudish like my pantheon of immortals.
In addition to his day job of dining on human flesh, he works as a model on the side. My friends warned me I'd get tired of the diseases and disasters he liked to inflict on mortals, but I've found that I don't have an issue as long as he doesn't bring his work home with him.
The thing that has started to become a problem in our relationship is that he has to show off his muscles everywhere he goes. We argue every time we go out because he refuses to wear anything other than a tiger skin loincloth. At first I liked how everyone stared at his muscles. Women threw themselves at him, but he didn't want them. He said he wanted "oni me."