Planning for Your Re-Retirement
by Nicky Drayden
I bet you thought you'd be enjoying your golden years--traipsing through the lush forests of Belize, admiring the Venus de Milo with your own two eyes, enjoying a game of low-grav shuffleboard on Proxima Colony--all those things you were too busy working your tail off to enjoy. Yes, your retirement is right around the corner, and fortunately you've put yourself in quite the position... fully funded retirement accounts, paid-for house, luxury car purchased in cash, financial freedom. Unfortunately, it seems the Universe has dealt you a cruel hand. Please, don't sit up. The nurses know I'm here. They're the ones who told me about you. They know my type: no visitors, no flowers, no balloons. A nice get well card from your stockbroker.
See, you're the perfect candidate for a last-ditch procedure, a failsafe if you will. A chance to extend your life and enjoy the wealth you've accumulated over the years. I'm talking about a new body, one that won't betray you when you need it the most. A body with a lean physique, maybe a decade or two younger than the sack you're carrying around now, but not so young that your colleagues will suspect more than a very talented plastic surgeon.
The "C" word! Of course, not. Human cloning is illegal. All we are doing is making a backup copy of your brain and storing it in a flesh-based container that may happen to share certain physical traits with you. You're entitled to a backup copy of your memories and thoughts, are you not? There's been a legal precedent set in the matter, just like you're allowed to make a backup of copyrighted media. All you have to do is apply for a copyright on the contents of your mind and sign this waiver indemnifying us from any legal issues that might occur....