by Gregg Chamberlain
Hey there, folks! Mad Melford here with another steal of a deal. I guarantee there's lots of good eatin' waiting here for you.
Now Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And we all know what that means, right? You got it. Turducken!
I dunno 'bout you, but to me nothin' says Thanksgiving in America more than a chicken stuffed inside a duck shoved up nice and tight inside of a big ol' butterball turkey, with everythin' just swimming in rich gravy inside a hot roasting pan.
But Melford, you say, we're all as crazy about turducken as the next guy, but even one of them just ain't enough to feed all the family come to call for Thanksgiving at our house.
I understand, folks, I do indeed, I've been there myself, yessir. Well, not to worry, my friends, because we here at Mad Melford's Maniacal Merchandising--take Interstate 12 to the Wilbanks off-ramp--have got the answer to your problem in just one simple word.
Yessir, we have embraced the miracle of mad science to find the solution to your Thanksgiving holiday menu dilemma. Thanks to the wonders of reverse genetic engineering, plus a little dash of recombinant DNA for good measure, we have the perfect main course for your Thanksgiving meal plan. For a price so low we are practically giving it away, you get a nice free-range chicken nestled inside a plump mallard slipped inside a corn-fed butterball turkey, and all that meaty goodness stuffed inside a gen-u-wine prime fresh-from-the-factory dodo. That's a good 50 pounds at least of all-American birds ready for roasting inside the oven or sticking on a spit for barbecue. And that comes with my personal guarantee, folks, that your dodo is mutation-free. Yessir, not a trace of cellular degeneration or any tainted DNA. I dare you to find a single out-of-place mitochondria in your dodoturducken. Cross-my-heart-swear-to-God double-your-money-back if I'm lyin'.