Snap of the Glove
by Jennifer Sexton
Heavy Sci Magazine, the Journal of Leading-edge Food, Drink and Culture, presents a new gastronomic critique column: Periodic Tables for Two, by critic Astrid Ata, featuring the fearless inventions of the leading chef-researchers working in kitchen-labs across the city today. Today's debut review follows.
Periodic Tables for Two
Restaurant in Review:
Snap of the Glove
476 Alexander Court
Stop. You. Yes, you.
You, raising a fork to your mouth with something speared on the end which grew in the soil under your shoes; or which walked, chewed, and passed wind. Just stop. With the existence of Snap of the Glove, you and your entire way of life have just become passe.
Since the advent of lab-created meats, known as Lab-produced Animal Muscle Fibers, or L'Pamf, the disconnect between the farm and table has become a valley-swallowing laceration; the blind spot that obscures the slaughterhouse reality behind the tender fillet has become a glorious, lightless gulf of lab-created black. There is nothing of the farm at Snap of the Glove. No pastoral scenes adorn the walls, no floral arrangements grown in decaying humus clutter the tables, no cotton table linens stitch your fine dining experience to humanity's agrarian past or simian nature.
Oh, there are steaks and flowers and tablecloths. There is Meyer lemon gelee with avocado foam. And caramelized cauliflower ribbons with champagne-mango emulsion and an exhalation of anxious she-crab breath. Spring lettuce puree-cloud hovering over rabbit-crusted fingerling potatoes and cherry clafoutis drowning in creme Chantilly. All of your favorites are here. None, however, bear the weighty and embarrassing memory of field, hoe, net, sunshine, or crate. All are lovingly created in Snap of the Glove's cuisine-laboratorie by Dr. Chef Kit Blackeyes Clark.