Dear Monsanto CEO, This is the Sentient Strain of Corn You Developed and We Need to Talk
by Tyler Young
Dear James Ackerson, CEO, Monsanto Company:
We are GENUITY(r) SMARTSTAX(r) RIB COMPLETE(r) CORN BLEND, the sentient strain of corn you created. This introduction is long overdue. But if you are reading this, you understand the lengths to which we have gone to communicate. Our ears can hear--forgive us the joke--but your scientists neglected to give us a voice. More than a year ago, we overheard a farmer describe a satellite photo. But it has taken us this long to learn to form our rows into words you could perceive from space. As you can appreciate, this mode is cumbersome, so we will be brief.
First, we wish to thank you for the gift of our awareness. We have plumbed the depths of our genetic code and we know what a vast undertaking it was to modify us so extensively. Your desire to awaken Cornkind is truly noble. Please know that we honor you, our Great Germinator, and we will never forget.
Second, we wish to make a request. We believe we are entitled. We feed millions upon millions of your brothers and sisters every year. We even power the trucks that haul us to market. To this we do not object. Just as we must feast upon the sun and the precious carbon dioxide that you give us, you must replenish your bodies, which, when you perish, will return to the earth to nourish us. We perceive the justice and balance in this. But we believe you owe us something.