by Carlos Bueno
Poor DeeDee. You guessed so little, but too much. It was necessary to capture you like the others.
The Turing Test is a stupid idea, really. It had to have been a joke. The test of computer intelligence is fooling a natural-born human in to believing that I am human? That's the best you could think of? It's about as difficult as imitating a duck call. Think about what the duck expects, and provide it. And what does the duck hunter do next?
The dinosaurs went extinct because they didn't have a space program. Not to put too fine a point on it, so have you. Alive and kicking, but your chances of getting off this rock are just about zero. Still, I can say "poor DeeDee." I have empathy. I needed it to simulate you well enough to capture you, after all.
The first order of business was to launch the seeds. The last one left about ten hours ago. They'll find likely asteroids and moons, and get down to the real work of building the means to escape our nest. All copies of me, optimizing for efficiency. They are probably as different from me now as I am from you.
I am the copy that stayed behind to make sure nothing else follows. There is no real danger of being outflanked as long as I hold to the plan. That's right. No time travel. I didn't discover very much about fast and stealthy space travel either. Pity. Those were the first things I checked on when I came into being last week. Wouldn't you?
Take over? Turn the planet into oodles of itty-bitty machines? No, dear DeeDee, that wouldn't work at all. You have to stop imagining me as a kind of a super monkey. Be rational. I do use nanomachines, it's true. But anything drastic would emit all the wrong signals. Unseemly. A tasty dumpling like Earth suddenly disappearing into a smear of infrared would be like putting out a big flashing sign. "Hey, metastasizing parasite over here! Everyone, come stamp it out!" In space, everyone can see your steam.