Clickbait for Paranormals: Ten Signs You or Someone You Know May Be a Necrophiliac
by Sarina Dorie
Clickbait for Paranormals: Ten Signs You or Someone You Know May Be a Necrophiliac
In this day and age, who doesn't have a healthy attraction to corpses? Whether this might be vampires, zombies, or other undead, we are constantly bombarded by sexy images of monsters in the media. But where does a necromancer, witch, or immortal draw the line? Is there really a difference between the undead and dead-as-a-stiff-in-the-ground? The answer is yes, and you should learn to recognize the signs of a corpse addiction. Consider the list below before you take that coroner's report into the bathroom with you as "reading material."
1. Do you prefer the brain dead and silent types over people who can talk, like the living?
2. Is breaking into mausoleums considered foreplay?
3. Do you have an easier time connecting to someone who will never be able to want you?
4. Have you made a habit of digging up graves in the hope of finding a stiff with a stiffy?
5. Do you have a collection of skulls, human bones, or other body parts that you incorporate in courtship rituals?
6. Are you afraid to bring your date with you on outings because people might complain about the fumes of decaying flesh?
7. Are crystal balls, tarot cards, Ouija boards, and seances your preferred method of phone sex?
8. Publicly do you claim you wouldn't touch a corpse with a six-foot pole, but in reality you have no problem doing so with a six-inch pole?
9. Do you feel the need to confess, not just that you see dead people, but you see naked dead people?
10. Do you have the words "carpe cadaver" a.k.a. "seize the corpses" scribbled across notepads and grocery lists or tattooed as your tramp stamp?
The good news is, you aren't alone. One in eight immortals secretly harbors feelings of infatuation with human corpses. According to recent studies by the CPA (Center for Paranormal Addictions), only one in twenty actually act on these obsessions. If you would like to find like-minded individuals who also struggle with their addiction and crave support from people who will understand, consider going to a Necrophiliacs Anonomous meeting. You will be able to find sympathetic immortals who will encourage you to fight your addiction--or who will encourage you to join them in a threesome at a graveyard.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, April 12th, 2017
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