Careers for Magical Creatures: Want Ads
by Sarina Dorie
Mother Mountain Needs You to Save the Amazon
Have experience working as an Irish banshee, but looking for something a little more exotic?
Madremonte Inc. is on the lookout for new members for our team to haunt Columbian jungles and keep away trespassers with chilling wails. Candidates must be willing to wear moss and leaves as part of a work uniform. Madremonte Inc. is an equal opportunity employer. We are also seeking Padremontes.
Clurichaun Interns Wanted
Searching for a security guard who has the luck of the Irish in him or her, prior experience working as a leprechaun--but prefer the color red, and a thirst for working in wine cellars. Paid and unpaid positions. Apply today!
There's No Place Like a Cyclone
Why work as an Impundulu in Africa with the powers of wind, rain, and lightning? For starters, no one's going to drop a house on your sister when you control the storms! Other benefits include getting to help witch doctors and drinking human blood. Yum!
Got Shoe Fetish?
Forget the days of working on Keds, Doc Martins, and Adidas. Our shoe repair elves work on top quality brands. If names like Prada, Gucci, and Jimmy Choo send your heart racing, then your days of yearning are over. We are searching for detail-oriented individuals who have a passion for repairing heels and eyelets to the core of your insole.
Not Just Hiring Dolphins
Encantado positions at Aquatic Associates are open to all sea monsters. Think of being an encantado as the modern day Dionysus, but down in the Southern Hemisphere. Perks include attending rowdy parties and festivals, seducing human women and breaking their hearts, and an occasional kidnapping. Skills in music and a mesmerizing voice are a plus, but not required. On the job training is provided.
Benefits Include Free Dinner with Shift
Traditionally lumpeguins served Native American people, but our business is expanding to meet the high demand of growing markets. More than ever, soup kitchens, orphanages, and Title 1 schools need the help of magical creatures to bake bread from snow. Other duties include cooking meals from magic pots that provide an infinite amount of food. See if you have the qualifications to become a member of our growing team.
Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, Your Dreams Can Come True
The Division of Fairy Godmothers is now hiring entry-level godmother and godfather positions. We are looking for individuals with on the job experience working as guardian angels, bodhisattvas, or spirit guides, or who have passed a fairy godmother correspondence course. Perks include attending balls, rubbing elbows with nobles in the Charming family, and dips in the chocolate fountain.
This story was first published on Wednesday, June 8th, 2016