Ten Things You'll Only Get if You Were a 50's Kid
by Andrew Peter Hickey
1) Upload Glitches
Remember these? Back in 2052, when people were first starting to upload themselves, you'd get glitches in the process. These days, of course, malformed data is a fashion statement, and people deliberately disable their checksums in order to produce that cool stuttery effect, but back then it happened by accident!
People even sued over it--saying that by corrupting their personal data, the uploading app had infringed their right to personal integrity!
Twenty years on, and it's hard to see what the fuss was about.
It's hard to believe it now, but back in the 2050's there was a massive fad for having feet. These were weird knobbly things that stuck out of the bottom of people, and they were considered so important that you'd even buy special feet-coverings, called "shoes." Some people had as many as five "shoes!" There were whole special buildings that you'd go into, called "shoe shops," just to get coverings for your feet!
But that's not all. As well as shoes there were a whole range of other accessories for feet--nail varnish (a special paint for changing their color), odor eaters (for changing their smell), and more. For a while there, everyone had feet, but now no one even talks about them. Bring back feet, we say!
3) This guy
Recognize him? That's Tom Wyndham. Or Tom Windbag, as everyone called him. He was all over the news in 2051, telling us all that nanomachines were about to turn the world into grey goo, and the only way we could escape would be to upload ourselves. Remember the comedy song Tom's Talking (But We're Not Listening)?
4) The games
Football (those "feet" again!), baseball, catch, Grand Theft Auto XXVI, sex... 50's kids had all the best games. Yes, they relied on only six senses, and at a low bandwidth, but that just meant that the gameplay had to be better and more imaginative. Games these days are far more immersive, but just not as fun as those old simple games.
Remember being unhappy? Kids growing up today don't know about unhappiness, but 50s kids can remember when things used to happen that you didn't want, and there was no "undo" option, and you couldn't even rewrite your own personality so you wanted the thing that had happened.