art by ShotHot Design
Facts About Gel, Gloop, and Other Semi-Viscous Substance You May Have Encountered Recently
by Michael Canfield
The first thing you need to understand about gel, is that there is no reason, at this point, to assume it is in any way harmful. Certainly, if you were to slip in it, fall and injure yourself, that would be bad. So tread carefully. Avoid stepping in gel especially; it is the slipperiest new substance. Gloop is a bit thicker, it has a sort of syrupy, marshmallow-like texture, at least as compared to gloop, but nevertheless--tread carefully. The same applies to gunk, gack, gludge, fludge, and frunk, but we do not have space here to address these relatively rarer varieties of new substance. If necessary, a supplement to this document will be created later. The present document will, from this point forward, confine itself to gel and gloop.
Grass grows under gel, and while it does die under gloop, this is most likely due to gloop's property of opacity, which ranges from roughly 88-94%. Grass, due to the nature of photosynthesis, requires sunlight, which it cannot get when covered in gloop.
Gel ranges from 21-25% opacity, or 75-79% transparency, and this appears to be adequate for photosynthesis. So if gel covers your lawn don't despair!
Gloop however, will result in the need for reseeding if at some point it becomes possible to have your yard cleared of it. We are working all the time on ways to remove gloop and gel, (more about that later) but please know also that we are always open to new suggestions from any quarter. We're available Mon-Fri 8-4:30 Central Time, and by email at any hour of the day or night. You can also join our facebook fan page or follow us on twitter for the most up-to-date information. Our contact information is given at the end of this document, and we genuinely enjoy hearing from you. Even complaints!
Another suggestion for the owner of a lawn under gloop is to create a rock garden. The white color of most gloop contrasts nicely with reddish or black stones. Use large stones. Pebble gardens can themselves become buried under gloop, as the substance has been documented continuing to rise as much as four inches above the original thickness at which it has appeared in any given locale. This rising can take place over the course of several months. So again, use large stones, or you may find the need to lay down another rock garden sooner than you would like.