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20 Signs Your Neighbor Might Be a Mummy

Carie Juettner is a middle school teacher who also writes things. She is the author of The Ghostly Tales of Austin and The Ghostly Tales of New England as well as several poems and short stories of varying degrees of creepiness. Carie lives with her husband and pets in Austin, Texas, where she is pretty sure her neighbors are not mummies. Follow her ramblings at cariejuettner.com.

1. Their Instacart deliveries include unusual amounts of toilet paper.
2. All the stray cats in the neighborhood flock to their yard.
3. A low hum emanates from their house due to the amount of dehumidifiers constantly running.
4. Their garbage bin is full of used bandages.
5. Their Christmas card was written in hieroglyphics.
6. For your birthday, they gave you a swarm of insects.
7. They don't drive fancy cars, but always seem to have plenty of jewelry and gold goblets.
8. When you go over to borrow a cup of sugar, they say sorry, their canisters are filled with organs.
9. They keep inviting you over to play strip poker.
10. There's always something caught in the door of their car when they drive away.
11. They tried to recruit you into their pyramid scheme.
12. Lute music at all hours.
13. The ankh above the door.
14. They're hard to understand over the phone.
15. They sent you the following texts:
Text 1: Just wanted to say sarcophagus about the lute music last night. We desiccated to celebrate curse the kid got good gauze on his tomb work.
Text 2: Damn autocorrect! Just wanted to say *sorry about the *loud music last night. We *decided to celebrate *cause the kid got good *grades on his *homework.
16. They have a cat named Tom Cruise, which isn't too weird, but they also have a goldfish named Brendan Fraser.
17. Wherever they go, they leave a trail of sand.
18. When your kid trick-or-treated at their house dressed as Steve Martin dressed as King Tut, he got a speech about cultural appropriation and the inauthentic quality of his costume.
19. When their kids wrap houses, they do a really good job.
20. When you accidentally dinged their rearview mirror with your trashcan, they put a curse on you and your entire family.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, March 16th, 2022
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