
art by Jonathan Westbrook
Early Draft of Talking Points for the Sixth Emergency Broadcast with Editorial Suggestions by the Office's Unpaid Interns Bob and Isabelle
by Helena Bell
1. Hello, and thank you for tuning in to our 10-part series: Methods of Proving Neither You Nor your Loved Ones Are a Host of Demonly Creatures. If you have not done so already, please check to ensure that you are not attempting to write with a number 3 [Ed. -Bob] 2 pencil, as they have proven untrustworthy. For your convenience, a laminated printout of this update will be available for purchase at the following locations:
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We hope you're enjoying Early Draft of Talking Points for the Sixth Emergency Broadcast with Editorial Suggestions by the Office's Unpaid Interns Bob and Isabelle by Helena Bell.
Please support Daily Science Fiction by becoming a member.
Daily Science Fiction does not have a paywall, but we do have expenses—more than 95% of which are direct payments to authors for their stories. With your $15 membership, less than 6 cents per story, we can continue to provide genre fiction every weekday by email and on the website to thousands of readers for many years to come. You may also choose to support us via patreon.
5. Some of your friends and family members may have recently developed certain skills and predilections that they did not possess before. If you were paying attention during the second emergency broadcast, then you should have already begun creating detailed dossiers of what you (and those around you) were like before the incident and after. [Bob: smelly.] [Isabelle: bitch.] [Bob: Due to stunted intelligence can only speak in monosyllables; incapable of forming adjectival form of basic nouns even if only requires addition of one letter.] [Isabelle: Bitchy.] A sudden ability to speak in strange languages does not necessarily mean that your brother is one of dark underlings sent forth to enslave humanity--although it could! Those of you for whom this applies should adhere to the following instructions. Everyone else may check on the cabbages and silver crucifixes at all your doors and windows.
7. Good luck! [He went to drop off the laminated copies at Professor Benedict's house and was shot and his body burned for fuel. -Isabelle]
The End
This story was first published on Monday, November 5th, 2012
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