Take me to a...
Enter any portion of the author name or story title:
For more options, try our:
Sign up for free daily sci-fi!
your email will be kept private
Get a copy of Not Just Rockets and Robots: Daily Science Fiction Year One. 260 adventures into new worlds, fantastical and science fictional. Rocket Dragons Ignite: the anthology for year two, is also available!
Publish your stories or art on Daily Science Fiction:
If you've already submitted a story, you may check its:
Not just rockets & robots...
"Science Fiction" means—to us—everything found in the science fiction section of a bookstore, or at a science fiction convention, or amongst the winners of the Hugo awards given by the World Science Fiction Society. This includes the genres of science fiction (or sci-fi), fantasy, slipstream, alternative history, and even stories with lighter speculative elements. We hope you enjoy the broad range that SF has to offer.

Fairyless Tales

Kyle Kirrin lives at 9,000 feet above sea level in Creede, Colorado, where he tends to the needs of two Irish Wolfhounds and reads for Apex Magazine.

***Editor's Warning: These Fairyless Tales are not for children***
"Far as I can tell," the Inspector said, "this little girl was complimenting the wolf's teeth right before it ripped her throat out.
"Curious," the other Inspector said.
"How about trading that cow for these here magic beans?" the Trader said.
"How fucking stupid do you think I am?" Jack said.
Three weeks later, Jack's family died of starvation.
"It fits!" Cinderella said.
"Good," the Prince said. "It seemed valuable, so. Figured I'd return it. Anyway. Thank you for the tepid water. Good luck with the poverty and all that." He left.
"But I thought--" Cinderella said.
"Go clean the chamber pots, wench," Stepmother said.
Cinderella did; they were full.
Belle pushed her way through the huge doors and into the castle. The entryway was just as she'd imagined it: with grand, twin staircases that curved to the left and right.
"Hello?" said Belle. "Is anyone home? My Father traded me for a flower, and I'm okay with that, apparently?"
"You're... beautiful," said the Beast, from the top of the stairs.
Belle screamed and ran down the hallway. She barged into the kitchen and locked the doors behind her.
"Ay, what's wrong, sugar?" said a Teapot.
Bell screamed again and leapt out the nearest window to her death.
The whale chomped down and swallowed most of Jonah.
The Tortoise crossed the finish line. "I... did... it," he said. "I... finally... did... it."
The race organizer handed him a trophy.
"Why... does... this... say... participant?" the Tortoise asked.
The Prince planted a kiss on Sleeping Beauty's lips.
"Get him!" someone said from the bushes.
The forest watch piled on top of the Prince. "The hell were you thinking?" one of them said.
"I was trying to wake her up," the Prince said.
"You figured you'd sexually assault her out of unconsciousness?"
"Well, it sounds awful when you put it like that, but yeah."
"What do you think it is?" Aladdin said.
"Uh," the shopkeeper said, "it's a lamp."
"I bet it's magic."
"It isn't. It's just a lamp."
"I'm going to rub it."
"I just feel like I should rub it for a while." Aladdin rubbed it. "Yeah, that's nice."
"I'd really prefer you not do that."
"Maybe I just need to rub it harder." He rubbed harder. "Something's definitely happening."
"I am extremely uncomfortable with this."
"Yeah, something, something's happening. I don't think it's magic, but something is--"
"Take the lamp and go."
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" the Queen said. "Hello?" She tapped the mirror. "Is this thing on?"
"What would possess someone to crawl into a bear den?" the inspector said.
"No clue. Perhaps she was lured in by some sort of irresistible breakfast cereal that was exactly the right temperature?" the other inspector said.
"That seems like the most plausible explanation."
"Case closed."
"The boulder's been moved!" Mary said. "Oh, it's as was foretold! Jesus has arisen! Our Lord--"
"He's over there," Nicodemus said.
"What?" Mary said.
"Yeah." Nicodemus said. "That's him wrapped in the white. In the corner."
"Oh. Well. Maybe... maybe we should just say he wasn't here when we came?"
"You think anyone would believe that?"
"It's definitely worth a shot."
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, February 20th, 2018

Author Comments

This short piece sprang from a conversation about how poorly some of the most popular fairy tales have aged over time, particularly Snow White.

- Kyle Kirrin
Become a Member!

We hope you're enjoying Fairyless Tales by Kyle Kirrin.

Please support Daily Science Fiction by becoming a member.

Daily Science Fiction is not accepting memberships or donations at this time.

Rate This Story
Please click to rate this story from 1 (ho-hum) to 7 (excellent!):

Please don't read too much into these ratings. For many reasons, a superior story may not get a superior score.

4.8 Rocket Dragons Average
Share This Story
Join Mailing list
Please join our mailing list and receive free daily sci-fi (your email address will be kept 100% private):