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Fairytale Speedrun Any, Wizardless

Besides fiction writing, Zack is an experimental baker, doctoral scholar, and current postdoc in STEM Education and Outreach. He tweets at @ZConley42 whenever he remembers he has a Twitter.

Any Rules: Reach the ever after (happiness not required), no wizard magic, no other rules.
Note: Load times may vary by language of story
Rapunzel
Select point of view as father and jump roll from window straight into garden. Grab two fistfuls of rampion while making noise to trigger witch scene. As soon as point of view is Rapunzel grab scissors and cut halfway through hair. Go to window in response to witch to trigger scene. After scene cut off remaining hair while singing out the window. When prince arrives, tie hair to tower hook to allow prince to climb. Push the prince out of the tower when he reaches the top. The short hair on Rapunzel and falling prince will trigger desert end sequence.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Select point of view as Mama Bear. As soon as porridge is on the table run straight outdoor to trigger Goldilocks sequence. As Goldilocks run straight to bedroom, spilling porridge on the floor, and smashing chairs on way to stairs. Climb onto bed to trigger next scene. As Mama Bear go straight to bedroom to trigger end sequence.
The Three Little Pigs
Select point of view as third pig brother and run straight from home towards edge of story. Punch out straw and stick sellers on the way, then purchase bricks from third seller. At edge of story wolf will appear. Say, "not by the hair of my chinny chin chin," twice to trigger wolf huff and puff attacks. Go back to house location, construct house and put pot of water on to boil. Without other houses, pig brothers will warp to your house. Wolf will automatically move to third house and attempt to huff and puff. When this fails, they will attempt chimney entry and fall into the water, triggering end sequence.
The Gingerbread Man
Select point of view as old woman. Cut out gingerbread man shape in dough. Eat raw dough and throw rest into bucket of water. Wet and eaten gingerbread triggers end sequence.
Little Red Riding Hood
Select point of view as red riding hood. Approach mother to acquire basket and hood. Restart story to skip dialogue scene. Hop jump along forest path until you reach flower bed. After triggering wolf encounter go to edge of story where woodsman is located. Pick up rocks and add the woodsman to your party. Go to grandma's house. Say the word "teeth" to trigger wolf attack. The presence of the huntsman and rocks triggers end sequence.
The Tortoise and the Hare
Select point of view as Aesop. Pick up tortoise and throw at finish line.
The End
This story was first published on Monday, November 15th, 2021
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