art by Seth Alan Bareiss
Items Found in the Pocket of a God Who Abandoned His People
by Andrew Kaye
Item 1: Darkness.
Item 2: Firmament.
Item 3: Sticks.
Item 4: Corn husks.
Item 5: Small handheld mirror.
Item 6: Clay (dried).
Item 7: Spyglass (collapsible).
Item 8: Box of prophylactics (unopened).
Item 9: Copy of the Holy Scriptures of High Rathma'ru (heavily annotated).
Item 10: Prayers from the faithful:
--Subject: "I have a question about..." (1,082,334).
--Subject: "Thank you for..." (4,127).
--Subject: "Please give me..." (42,881,458).
--Subject: "Help, [insert monster here] is attacking us!" (11,240).
Item 11: Packet of biographical information on local warriors.
Item 12: Address of war hero Esper Agomar.
Item 13: Legendary Flaming Sword of High Rathma'ru (well--used).
Item 14: Collection of severed heads offered up as sacrifices by the war hero Esper Agomar:
--The Mawbeast of Rogal Fenn.
--Kell Baruch, King of the Giants.
--Glomfreet, Ice Dragon of Splinterstone Peak.
--Various unnamed horrors of questionable infamy (18).
--Innocent bystanders (14).
--Various priests of High Rathma'ru (7) and attendants (10).
--Filia Agomar.
--Esper Agomar, Jr.
Item 15: Lightning bolts.
Item 16: Charred remains of the war hero Esper Agomar (cause of death: lightning bolts).
Item 17: Paternity test results.
Item 18: Bottle of antidepressants.
Item 19: Bottle of whisky.
Item 20: Letter of resignation (unsent).
The End
This story was first published on Thursday, June 5th, 2014
