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Careers for Magical Creatures: Want Ads

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card's IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser. By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer, and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

Mother Mountain Needs You to Save the Amazon
Have experience working as an Irish banshee, but looking for something a little more exotic?
Madremonte Inc. is on the lookout for new members for our team to haunt Columbian jungles and keep away trespassers with chilling wails. Candidates must be willing to wear moss and leaves as part of a work uniform. Madremonte Inc. is an equal opportunity employer. We are also seeking Padremontes.
Clurichaun Interns Wanted
Searching for a security guard who has the luck of the Irish in him or her, prior experience working as a leprechaun--but prefer the color red, and a thirst for working in wine cellars. Paid and unpaid positions. Apply today!
There's No Place Like a Cyclone
Why work as an Impundulu in Africa with the powers of wind, rain, and lightning? For starters, no one's going to drop a house on your sister when you control the storms! Other benefits include getting to help witch doctors and drinking human blood. Yum!
Got Shoe Fetish?
Forget the days of working on Keds, Doc Martins, and Adidas. Our shoe repair elves work on top quality brands. If names like Prada, Gucci, and Jimmy Choo send your heart racing, then your days of yearning are over. We are searching for detail-oriented individuals who have a passion for repairing heels and eyelets to the core of your insole.
Not Just Hiring Dolphins
Encantado positions at Aquatic Associates are open to all sea monsters. Think of being an encantado as the modern day Dionysus, but down in the Southern Hemisphere. Perks include attending rowdy parties and festivals, seducing human women and breaking their hearts, and an occasional kidnapping. Skills in music and a mesmerizing voice are a plus, but not required. On the job training is provided.
Benefits Include Free Dinner with Shift
Traditionally lumpeguins served Native American people, but our business is expanding to meet the high demand of growing markets. More than ever, soup kitchens, orphanages, and Title 1 schools need the help of magical creatures to bake bread from snow. Other duties include cooking meals from magic pots that provide an infinite amount of food. See if you have the qualifications to become a member of our growing team.
Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, Your Dreams Can Come True
The Division of Fairy Godmothers is now hiring entry-level godmother and godfather positions. We are looking for individuals with on the job experience working as guardian angels, bodhisattvas, or spirit guides, or who have passed a fairy godmother correspondence course. Perks include attending balls, rubbing elbows with nobles in the Charming family, and dips in the chocolate fountain.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, June 8th, 2016

Author Comments

Daily Science Fiction readers might recognize the paranormal world in Careers for Magical Creatures from my Dear Jezzy love advice columns. This is a world where a shoe repair elf might date a succubus--or might work at a temp service. For years I have loved the idea of fairy tale creatures as well as paranormal ones and this is a world where I can put them together. I wrote this particular piece around the time I was looking for a fulltime teaching position, so the experience looking at job descriptions doubled as research. It was fun to write about little known creatures like lumpeguins and impundulu, as well as hailing back previous Dear Jezzy characters like the shoe repair elf and fairy godmother.

If you would like to read more Dear Jezzy world stories, many are available here at Daily Science Fiction: Dear Jezzy. More free short stories by Sarina Dorie are available here: sarinadorie.com/writing/news.

- Sarina Dorie
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