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Careers for Magical Creatures: Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics Now Hiring

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card's IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser. By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer, and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

Tired of being a goody-two-shoes tooth fairy or toilet fairy and getting nowhere in your career for all of eternity? Maybe it's time for a career change.
Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics is looking for assets to our sales team. Our line of poisonous cosmetics has primarily been sold by little old women with hunched backs who lean on bamboo canes. We are branching out of our location in Japan and looking for innovative, young sales yokai to welcome to our team. No experience being a demon necessary.
Additions to our sales team need to be able to:
*Conduct makeup applications, skin care analysis, and product demonstration with human victims.
*Stay on top of current promotions, events and lethal ingredients.
*Build customer relationships--and quickly destroy them with a single poisonous cosmetic sale.
*Bring a cheerful disposition for selling beauty and death to mortals.
*Be able to do occasional heavy lifting of corpses.
What the Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics is looking for in our sales representatives:
*Ability to adhere to a professional dress code: tattered kimono, silver hair, straw umbrella hat, and a hag-like appearance. Bamboo cane optional.
*At least five years of experience working in a job that exercises verbal communication skills (examples include: banshees, werewolves, ghouls, madremonte, and used kidney salesmen or saleswomen).
*Ability to work nights and weekends.
*Powers of seduction, hypnotism, or persuasion.
*A passion for bringing harm to vain, materialistic mortals who buy our line of lethal makeup.
A sales representative for the Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics enjoys flexible hours and low startup costs. There are excellent bonuses for individuals who exceed quotas of death and destruction; we provide product gifts like Absinthe Madness Eyeliner and Blood Flavored Lip Gloss, and we gift our top sales reps with exclusive rewards like a sleigh of pink hellhounds. We encourage free samples given to all mortals, the Charming family included.
Are you looking for a career you might be happy with for all of eternity? Our company has a low turnover rate due to employee satisfaction. If you are looking for an occupation that doesn't follow the rules of the good fairy realm, if you have a bone to pick with sniveling royalty like Prince or Princess Charming, or if bringing beauty and death to the world sounds like your dream come true, call our toll free number or apply online.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, September 28th, 2016

Author Comments

I lived in Japan for two years and taught English in Hokkaido. Japanese folk tales and mythology has always fascinated me and I am always excited to learn about new creatures from their pantheon of yokai. I knew I couldn't leave the toilet fairy in a career she hated. After all, I eventually got out of substitute teaching and landed a full time job as an art teacher. I wouldn't be happy if my fairy's dreams didn't come true. It took a while before I found something that was suited to her employment needs as well as a way to get back in touch with Prince Charming. When I stumbled across the "Goddess of Crimson Cosmetics" I knew this ill-suited fairy godmother would end there.

Other stories from this world can be found on Daily Science Fiction at: Dear Jezzy or Careers for Magical Creatures. Several "Dear Jezzy" stories have been performed for live audiences as part of No Shame Eugene, a live variety show which features 5 minute acts. To watch videos of "Dear Jezzy" stories, visit: sarinadorie.com/writing/news.

- Sarina Dorie
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