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Careers for Magical Creatures: Ten Ways to Keep Your Sucky Job as Tooth Fairy

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card's IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser. By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer, and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

So you've been demoted to tooth fairy? Whether you previously were working as a muse and you let your artist chop off his ear, or you were a fairy godmother caught between the sheets with King Charming, you've been demoted to collecting filthy, cavity-riddled teeth for the rest of your days as an immortal. Welcome!
Follow the guidelines below for a successful career at T.F.S. (Tooth Fairy Services).
1. Wear the standard issue uniform with the pink tutu. Other colors are not permitted.
2. Give the client one quarter per tooth. Don't give in to inflation caused by parents who gift their children five dollars.
3. Do not pry teeth from dentures, cadavers, or animals in the hopes of turning them in for extra quarters.
4. Only collect the teeth of those on your list. Do not stop by Prince Charming's castle, offering to check for cavities. He doesn't want to see you; you aren't his fairy godmother anymore.
5. Do not allow clients to rob you of your bags of quarters with a shotgun.
6. Avoid other immortals whose jobs are far more important than yours who might also be working at night: Easter Bunnies, Santas, and guardian angels.
7. Remember, a tooth fairy is polite, well-mannered, and never causes harm to others. Not even the prince who broke up with you when you got demoted.
8. Refrain from spending quarters in vending machines.
9. While on the job, avoid demons and lower immortals like monsters, vampires and bogeymen (and bogeywomen) who might want to make out with you in the closet.
10. When all else fails, keep in mind there are worse things than being a tooth fairy: toilet fairy, scrape-the-gum-off-shoes-fairy, and mortality. That's right, you think you have it bad with your sucky existence exchanging quarters for teeth? Imagine life as a human with wrinkles, taxes and death. That's what a tooth fairy's nightmares are made of.
This list of guidelines was brought to you by your manager at the Tooth Fairy Services, a division of Charming Industries. Now get back to work.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, August 31st, 2016

Author Comments

My sister used to dress as the tooth fairy in a fluffy blue dress while she was in dental school and pass out tooth brushes to little kids. At the time, I taught elementary school and used to show students a picture of her and tell them my sister was the tooth fairy. She must have made quite the impression. Once when my sister was visiting me in Eugene, a friend's daughter met my sister and she said, "It's the tooth fairy!"

"Careers for Immortals" and my "Dear Jezzy" stories are part of the Wrath of the Tooth Fairy world I write in. It has worked out quite well that my sister is a hygienist and when I have questions about tooth eruption, she is my go to resource. Sometimes I ask her questions like, "What would a dentist do for a vampire who chipped his tooth? Are there any clinics open at night?" or "How would a tooth fairy tell a fake tooth from a real tooth?" I ask these questions and I get THE LOOK. That means she knows I am writing a story and she doesn't want to tell me the answer because she's afraid I'm going to write about HER. Again. That is the hazard of being related to a writer.

Other stories from this world can be found on Daily Science Fiction at: Dear Jezzy or Careers for Magical Creatures. Several "Dear Jezzy" stories have been performed for live audiences as part of No Shame Eugene, a live variety show which features 5 minute acts. To watch videos of "Dear Jezzy" stories, visit: sarinadorie.com/writing/news.

- Sarina Dorie
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