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Clickbait for Paranormals: Try These Simple Tricks to Make Your Man Give Your Seal Skin Back

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card's IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser. By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer, and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

So you fell for his tricks and now he has your sealskin hidden away somewhere. You're determined to get it back. Only he's hidden it so well you can't find it anywhere. You might even have a husband and children at home in the sea. What is a selkie girl to do?
1. Examine why he might have taken your sealskin. If you think it's because he wants someone to cook and clean, and raise his children, become a career woman and make him do all the work. He'll be handing that pelt back before you can say, "You're doing dishes tonight. Again."
2. If Plan A to become a career woman doesn't work, think about other reasons he might have captured you and forced you to become his wife. Was it your beauty? Maybe you should put on a few pounds, shave your head, get tattoos or excessive piercings, and try some makeup--Tammy Faye Bakker style.
3. Selkie females are not only known for their beauty and subservient nature when becoming their captor's servant-wife, but also their gentle nature. Consider bringing home some whips, chains, and bondage gear for your kinky, new fetish as a dominatrix.
4. Why do selkie women in stories always have children with the man who steals their skin? Is it really because they have Stockholm syndrome and are content with him? If that's the case, she wouldn't leave when she gets her skin back. The truth is, those half-breed children often are the ones to find the pelt and give it to their mother. Consider that the next time you are thinking about the Morning-After Pill.
5. Plan ahead. What will you do when you get your sealskin back?--Leave him heartbroken and pining for you. Heck, you can do that now. Get a good divorce lawyer. When you're dividing up the house and other items, your husband might be willing to give you the pelt if he can keep the house and car. Then again, maybe you'll decide you want the house and car and he can keep your fur.
6. Take the advice of sirens, mermaids and se monsters: Drown him. This won't get your sealskin back, but it will make you feel better until one of the children you carefully planned to have finds it for you.
Still can't get your sealskin back? Try to look on the bright side: fur is currently out of fashion. Another bonus: You aren't a selkie man. Sure, they have the ability to seduce human women and get out of any long-term commitments by swimming away into the sea, but they always get hunted and their pelt is brought to their female lovers by a brother or husband. Talk about a downer.
Be thankful you're going to get your sealskin back and go home eventually!
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, March 29th, 2017

Author Comments

Selkie stories are usually sad and if you dig deep into what the stories are about, they really have a dark message about women being captured and imprisoned by men. I wanted to write something that turned that mythology upside down and made it funny.

- Sarina Dorie
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