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Dear Jezzy: Advice for an Advice Columnist

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Card’s IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser.

By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep. You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

The Immortal Herald, April 4, 2014
Dear Jezzy,
I am one of the few male tooth fairies in my profession. One of the reasons I took the job was because of all the cute blondes in tutus fluttering around Tooth Fairy Headquarters. There's never any lack of women in my career, so I feel pretty satisfied sexually.
Recently, I ran into this insomnia fairy while I was working on the job collecting teeth. He's tall and lanky, built like a grim reaper and definitely not my type. I mean, for one thing he's a guy. For another, if I was into guys, I can't imagine that's what I'd be into.
We hit it off pretty well and went out for coffee during our break and I felt something I've never felt before. I'd always thought I was into women, but then I met this man and I feel so confused. He and I have hung out a few more times, but I'm starting to get uncomfortable with the way I want to go dancing, jogging, and jump on trampolines with him. I'm so energetic when I'm around him. My friends suggested I'm just tired and overworked from my job that I've become addicted to his insomnia energy, but it doesn't feel like a glamour or magic addiction. I feel awake and alive.
Could it be love?
--Hunky Tooth Fairy
Dear Hunky,
Sure, it could be love. It could also be insomnia magic. More importantly, have you asked your friend how he feels? Is he into male tooth fairies? If he is, does it matter if it's love or you're just high on his magic when you both have a good time together--whatever that entails.
There are a lot of things worse than a little experimenting. Take for instance the eternal damnation that results in signing a devil's black book and giving away your immortal soul.
Like I once did.
Dear Jezzy,
I see what your hostility is really about. You once were in love with a devil. He was a wicked, unfaithful beast who didn't appreciate you or love you. As a result, you think all devils are the same. I can see how you might have developed a bias.
Take my advice: get over him. Get past him. He wasn't worthy of you. Sure, there are plenty of other sharks in the sea, but there are also really nice dolphins and whales and other aquatic metaphors that don't bite. Just because he was a shark, doesn't mean you need to sink to becoming one. You're going to find someone who treats you with the love you deserve someday.
By the way, my angel said yes. We will be sure to invite you to the wedding. You might be interested to know one of her best friends just started a new position at Aphrodite's Helpers as head archer of cupid orgasm arrows. My fiancée wants to introduce you.
--M. Devil
Dear M. Devil,
Thanks for the slice of humble pie. I'm so in the habit of giving advice it's hard to recognize when I need it for myself.
Jezebel Lincoln has used her crystal ball and magic mirror for hundreds of years looking for her own Mr. Right. She's been reading whiny letters from desperate immortals since 1612, occasionally finding some hunky immortal she is interested in dating. Her dream come true would be to date an orgasm fairy. She can only hope one of those cupid arrows will work on immortals. Her columns are syndicated by Charming Industries to The Immortal Herald, The Undead Times, Lower Worlder Press and other smaller publications in the fairy realm.
The End
This story was first published on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2015

Author Comments

It was my hope that in writing another series of Dear Jezzy advice columns I would be able to develop Jezzy as a character and create a story arc for her, as well as write stand-alone pieces that would give insight to the world of immortals where Jezzy dwells. I've really enjoyed writing Jezzy's sometimes bad advice for the lovelorn. I think she will eventually be a character, not just in short stories, but in a sequel to my novel, Wrath of the Tooth Fairy. To read the first piece that starts Jezzy's correspondence with the devil, click on the link below: Dear Jezzy. Several "Dear Jezzy" stories have been performed for live audiences as part of No Shame Eugene, a live variety show which features 5 minute acts. To watch videos of "Dear Jezzy" stories, or read other free stories visit: sarinadorie.com/writing.

- Sarina Dorie
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