Dear Jezzy: Love Advice for a Shape Shifter
by Sarina Dorie
The Undead Times, March 8, 1999
Dear Jezzy,
I've been around this dating game for a millennium, and I'm getting sick of it. Women flock to me for the same things: gold and treasure. As a chullachaqui, my career path entails hiding riches in the Amazon rainforest and luring humans into the jungle so they can lose their way and die. It's not just a career for me; I enjoy punishing wicked humans. I'm sort of like an evil leprechaun vigilante, but I'm more of the tall, dark and not-wearing-green type.
What I really want is for a woman to like me for me--not my riches. If I don't tell a woman what I am, I feel like I'm being secretive and dishonest. If I do, those gold diggers tear up the Amazon rainforest looking for my gold. What should I do? How can I get a woman to see me for the loving demon I truly am?
--Desperate Demon
Dear Desperate,
Forget the gold and all the trouble it's bringing you for a moment. Focus on your strengths. You are a chullachaqui. You can shift your shape to resemble any human's loved one. And any immortal's. Consider all the identities you can steal. You could take the shape of some banshee's ex-boyfriend who she's still in love with and make her wail in ecstasy all night long. Hire yourself out as a shape-shifter who makes fantasies come true. Heck, you could even focus on your desire to punish the wicked by becoming the dom in an S and M relationship. Use your powers to your advantage. Everyone always thinks they want someone who will love them for who they are. This is an unrealistic expectation, since no matter what, women will only love you for who they think you are.
