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Dear Jezzy: The Problem with the Santas

Sarina Dorie is the author of award-winning, YA paranormal romance novel, Silent Moon. Her Puritan and alien love story, Dawn of the Morning Star, is due to come this year with Wolfsinger Publications. She has sold over 80 short stories to markets like Daily Science Fiction, Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Orson Scott Cardís IGMS, Cosmos, and Sword and Laser.

By day, Sarina is a public school art teacher, artist, belly dance performer and instructor, copy editor, fashion designer, event organizer, and probably a few other things. By night, she writes. As you might imagine, this leaves little time for sleep.

You can find info about her short stories and novels on her website: sarinadorie.com.

The Lower Worlder Press, March 25, 2014
Dear Jezzy,
I am fed up with my job at the North Pole Industries. Those Santas are lazy, slave-driving tyrants. The problem is, I don't have a lot of experience other than as an elf. My friends tell me my only other option is to become a toilet fairy, but I can't stand the idea. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear Tommy,
There's no reason to toil away at the North Pole. Plenty of other jobs are out there. Take my advice: apply at a shoe repair sweatshop. Or at a cookie factory. With any luck, you'll be able to slip a little laxative into a batch of cookies and send it to your former Santa slave driver for a little sweet revenge.
The Immortal Herald, March 26, 2014
Dear Jezzy,
You previously asked me what my question was. How can I get my angel to marry me? I'm afraid she might say no because we live in different dimensions. Part of me fears tarnishing her pureness and goodness if I bring her into the lower realms.
--M. Devil
Dear M. Devil,
You're right. She probably is too good for you.
Confidential to A-musing muse: There are reasons immortals abstain from the forbidden delights of human love. As you said yourself, you need to be professional so your current client doesn't cut his ear off like your last one did.
Jezebel Lincoln has been gracing the paranormal world with her love advice columns since 1612. She brings to her experience a history of dating Easter Bunnies, cupids, and even a wendigo. Her columns are syndicated by Charming Industries to The Immortal Herald, The Undead Times, Lower Worlder Press and other smaller publications in the fairy realm.
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Author Comments

Suspending disbelief is vital for fantasy. Yet, there are some things I just cannot believe. There is no way that Santa can possibly get through an entire city, let alone a state, country or hemisphere in one night. Magic as the answer just isn't good enough for me. My solution is that Santa obviously must be a slave driver in a sweatshop and there have to be many Santas who run Santa Industries.

"The Problem with the Santas" is a stand-alone piece, but my aim was to make it tie into a larger concept with a character arc for Jezzy as well as the devil who wrote to her in "How Can a Devil make an angel Say Yes".

- Sarina Dorie
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