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Ten Surefire Steps to Romance for the Workaholic Commuter Who Doesn't Make Time for His Social Life

*This public service video announcement was funded by MOAC and has been approved as "within limits for public posting" by the Union Public Transport System.*
1) Take the Commuter Honeycomb an hour early every morning. That gives you more time to meet people and you can always double-back on another segment. Enjoy the coffee bar on your way to work (but not too many espressos, they make you twitch). Have a crazy time at the Casablanca disco in the eastbound segment on the way home. The main thing is, have fun! It's a great way to get noticed.
2) Keep an eye on the hexagonal segments as they attach and detach. There's a soft tone before the glass barrier rises for the separation. You can tell which lounge you are in by the carpet color: the flecked cream carpet with rose lighting is the segment coming and going to Westend which could mean quite a catch. Mingle! But take care: if you end up on the wrong side of the barrier, you'll just have to wait for your lounge to attach to another Honeycomb cell heading back to your destination segment.
3) Skip the onboard fitness studio. Sweaty commuters are not sexy commuters. If you must train, be quick and be sure to shower! There's a public spa and shower area near the training room in every segment. If you install the transport app on your phone, it'll highlight the entertainment options for every segment heading towards your destination.
4) Don't use the transit headsets. You want to look interested and approachable; there's nothing worse than some strange guy bobbing along to music no one else can hear. How about using the official Honeycomb commuter dating app? It's trending on all the app stores and it'll tell you which segments currently have the most single people.
5) Don't use the office booths. The advertisements say they are sound proofed and allow for full privacy* but that's just for disorganized people who are racing against deadlines. Keep up to date with work and focus on the most important goal: meeting people! Sit at the breakfast bar or in a public lounge. Be sure to take a sofa seat not an armchair so that dreamboats can come and join you on their commute. The Honeycomb's ground effect means you can snuggle up and be confident of a smooth ride.
*Not that much privacy; the windows are only shaded, not solid. Please don't even think about it.
6) Once you've found the woman of your dreams, be clever: don't admit that you've been watching her. Don't mention how she always pauses at the chocolate croissants before taking the muesli. Don't tease her because she's been listening to Teigan's latest album on repeat for the past week. You don't want her to think you are a stalker!
7) Make conversation! You are so cute when you talk about your dreams and how important your career is to you. The commuter dating app will also flag mutual interests if your companion has installed it as well. It's a great way to break the ice.
8) Don't look away! If you've made eye contact with the commuter of your dreams, hold it! In the Times, there was an article that staring deep into another person's eyes is clinically proven to cause true love. Check your news-bookmark account to see if your mother sent you a copy.
9) Be daring! If she stays on the central hub after your segment detaches, consider hanging on. If she's on the south segment and you are heading west, maybe cross over to her segment for extra time to chat. You can always use the VoIP phone system to warn work that you are going to be late. Love (and grandchildren) is more important than anything else!
10) Remember the transport advertisements? Commuter honeycomb staff is there to make your journey better! Let them help you meet the commuter of your dreams. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance, ranging from straightening your suit to pretending you are a VIP.
This public service announcement is from MOAC (Mothers of Adult Children). If you are single and reading this, the advertisement was probably paid for with the help of donations from your mother, who worries about you and wishes you would just meet the right woman. Or man, we're not fuddy-duddies. But either way, honey, please get your haircut, it looks so scruffy.
The End
This story was first published on Monday, February 8th, 2016
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