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Patrick Leonard Welch has been dabbling in writing pretty much since he could hold a pen in his hand. He is also a long time role-playing gamer and completely enamored of fantasy and sci-fi themes. Aside from writing and gaming, he also enjoys gourmet cooking, singing karaoke, and heavy sarcasm.
From the desk of Cornelious Jameson Eldrich the Third, Emeritus Wizard, Third Class.
Dear Sirs and Madams,
In my studies of worldly phenomena, the varieties of magical forms out there have never ceased to amaze and delight me. That is, true magical phenomena, of course. What I put down here today is nothing of the sort.
It has come to my attention that recently, the younger generation has been enamored of this new fad magic known as "Science!" That's right, Science!
Now, I know what you're thinking, my most learned colleagues: nobody in their right mind would ever embrace such malarkey as this so-called science when there are perfectly legitimate fields of magical study out there that one can embrace in our modern world. I pray you heed my words, and watch closely your students, however, as this science has become a plague on many a wizarding campus of late.
"What is this science all about?" you may be asking yourselves. Those of you who haven't already discovered the plague on your classrooms, that is. Well, in a nutshell, science claims that there are certain structural constants within the universe that govern how things interact in the world. In fact, this pseudo-magic has a set of laws that they have given a fanciful name, calling them "Physics."
According to these physics laws, the world is governed by such ludicrous restrictions as "Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but remains constant." I ask you, my fellows, have you ever heard such drivel in your lives? Another of their blasphemous teachings implies that all matter is made up of 100 or so "elements" such as "carbon" and "tin" and not indeed merely a configuration of one or more of the four primal elements, air, earth, fire, and water... preposterous!
I'm sure, most learned colleagues, that you can agree that such heretical teachings can do nothing but hold our apprentices back from their gainful education in the mystic arts and that the spread of these lies should be stamped out before it is too late. This being the case, I ask you, one and all, to join with me and help in the discrediting of the so-called "sciences" before it is too late.
I look forward to hearing back from you at your earliest convenience on this matter but do urge some haste before the seed of this virus takes hold too firmly within our august institutions of learning.
Warmest regards,
Cornelious Jameson Eldrich the Third,
Emeritus Wizard, Third Class.
The End
This story was first published on Monday, October 23rd, 2017
Author Comments
This story first came to me while discussing the ironies of how science would be perceived in a world where magic dominated especially considering how magic as a subject is perceived in our more science-driven world. This tale appeals to my more sarcastic nature and I hope it appeals to the sarcastic humor of the readers as well.
- Patrick Leonard Welch
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