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Comment History for JustAnotherEarthling

John Post is a communications director at the University of Arkansas. His fiction has previously appeared in Bard and Sages Quarterly, and he was an honorable mention in L. Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future Contest. His appearance in Daily Science Fiction marks his first professional-paying publication. He currently resides in Fayetteville with his wife and two sons and is at work on a novel, in addition to a slew of additional short stories. He is also the former Arkansas State Checkers Champion, a hobby he pursues in his spare time along with coffee roasting, reading, and playing video games. He muses periodically on his blog at johntpost.wordpress.com and on Twitter @johntpost.

1. Post: "Ariana Grande: Thank You, Next" in the MUSICVIDEOS subcommunity
Comment: The way in which the spoken words cohere with the "beat" gives me pleasure. I love the Ariana Grande and her wonderful music, almost as much as I love the Justin Bieber or the rapper Eminem, whose lyrics are straight "flame."
2. Post: "A cool kill I got a couple days ago" in the FORTNITE subcommunity
Comment: Very nice! The manipulation of joysticks to produce this "headshot" was most satisfying.
3. Post: "Why Cersei's death was the perfect ending to her arc" in the GAMEOFTHRONES subcommunity
Comment: Indeed, the character Cersei was most despicable and piles of building materials falling on her was very suitable. The deaths of the flying scaled serpent monsters I did not like; it made me feel melancholic. Those poor creatures, just trying to exist in a world they didn't understand!
4. Post: "Congress decides against impeachment proceedings for President following his denial of aliens" in the NEWS subcommunity
Comment: I am so thankful we have a President who will stand up for the truth. The claims I have consumed on this message board about the existence of aliens are unreservedly ridiculous. The "incident" last month in the great province of Kansas was nothing more than a shooting star, as numerous journalistic entities and state officials have said.
Aliens do not exist, and if they have, we they certainly haven't visited our asteroid. And they certainly aren't controlling the U.S. government. How silly that fellow humans believe this!
EDIT #1: Am I unable to delete words? They still appear but with a line through them.
EDIT #2: For the users downthumbing me and calling me an "imposter," I am linking you a photograph of myself and my family at the Disney World taken last year. And for those calling me a "troll," I do not live under a bridge nor do I have a club or pimples on my faces. Do these creatures normally frequent this message board?
EDIT #3: To the user who said they know I'm not a human because I called Kansas "great," I have visited the state once before and found their bovines most delectable.
EDIT #4: To the user who says he is the man in the photograph taken at the Disney World, I dispute your claim. My name is John Smith. I enjoy food, culture, and activities that increase my heart rate. I am a doctor in Chicago and my wife Jane practices the law. We have a son James and a daughter Mary. It is with the utmost confidence that I can attest that I'm just another one of you.
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, December 17th, 2019

Author Comments

I got the inspiration for this story when I was browsing Reddit and someone had a typo in their post resulting in the use of an astrological term (I think they typed "solstice" when they meant to type "solace"). Someone else commented with a joke that they must've been an alien. I was already thinking about structuring a short story as a comment history for a Reddit profile, but this gave me the spark I needed to put pen to paper about an alien trying to act like a "cool kid" on the Internet who fails miserably.

- John Post
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