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The Exclusive And Definitive Debate on Illegal Immigration

Justin Cary lives in Waterloo, Oregon, where the climate is as good for writing as it is for anything else you could possibly care to do. He is the author of the recently released novel, Moon Empress: Grim and Hollow. His writing and other creative projects can be found at lifeofloveandmagic.com
"Hi. I'm the Presidential Spokeswoman. Nice to meet you at last. I have never spoken with your kind before," The Press Secretary seemed at a loss for what to do next. She was not sure if she should stick out her hand or if there was some other more appropriate form of salutation.
The creature across from her saved the moment, gesturing for her to sit so the interview could begin.
"It is fine, Mrs. Spokeswoman. I've been following the problems in your administration. Believe it or not, I do watch cable news. It has been a tough year for you and the White House staff and I respect your time. I am glad you were about to clear the schedule so we could discuss the latest crisis. It affects me directly and you may find my perspective refreshing." His words were grating to her ears.
Even after all these years in this country his speech still had a strangeness. In her estimation, he had been here long enough to speak proper English. She could overlook this. She had gotten used to overlooking uncomfortable truths.
"What should I call you," she asked.
"Call me Tom. That's what the guards call me and my real name doesn't roll off the untrained tongue in quite the right way," he shrugged apologetically. "Now can we talk about the problem at hand?"
"I can respect that. It is about time the public got the full story about the illegal alien problem we have here in the United States," she replied.
"Okay. Just to be clear. The way you put that is exactly why you and the President get so much pushback," Tom said.
"Not my problem. I was born here and you weren't." Tom's tentacles had gone rigid. She ignored the response. She had learned long ago that if the person you were talking to was angry they were also off balance. Whatever Tom's views on their immigration problem were she would hold the superior position in this conversation. "The law is the law," she finished, sitting back and comfortably crossing her arms.
"The law is the law," his tongue flicked out as if tasting the meaning of the words that hung in the air between them. "This is exactly what I was hoping to speak with you about. I wish to be deported."
"I'm sorry, what was that," She asked, rising half out of her seat before resettling.
"I wish to be deported," Tom said again. "It seems to be in line with what the administration stands for. With DACA on the chopping block, ICE immigration enforcement at an all-time high, and the clear desire to rid the country of 'undesirables living off the system' it seems the right time for me to leave."
The spokeswoman caught herself in the almost Pavlovian response of nodding with this sentiment. Maybe she wasn't as in control of this conversation as she thought she was. She needed to get back the upper hand. She was a well-trained professional who knew how to win even if she was not happy with the way a conversation was going. She reached for her talking points and began to speak about the cathartic catechism of facts she had memorized. It that was almost as easy to a presidential spokesperson as breathing.
Taking jobs, causing crime, leaching from the system, she made her arguments quick and concise. The arguments were so simple. She spoke without thinking. Who needed to think when the reasoning was so obviously sound?
"My point exactly," Tom said. "You have had me since my parents crash landed in 1947. I am just like those folks being forced out of this country. I was brought here illegally by my parents. Billions have been spent to house me and hide me. The innovations I've brought to this country over the decades have only served to divide you. The space race, twitter, your drug industry. None of this strife would have been caused if you had just sent me away. You've ended DACA for better people than me. It is your duty to deport me!"
The spokeswoman was growing angrier by the word. He was yelling at her and she would not tolerate this from anyone. He wasn't even human. From what she could see he quite literally had no legs to stand on. Just some kind of tentacle things that seemed to constantly be in motion under his otherwise humanoid looking body.
Something had gone off the rails. She wanted to nod in agreement with what he said. Yeah, illegals were the problem! Yet, something he had said confused her. Hadn't the space race and the internet been a boon to society? Hadn't vaccines and drugs saved millions over the years? Tom had provided the tools that had allowed the US to secure its place in the world, but he had outstayed his usefulness. It was time to end this meeting. She had made up her mind on the matter.
"You are an alien. We do not need you. For the good of this country, I will speak with the President. We will have this place closed and have you out of this country before the midterms." She rose, not bothering to formally close out the interview. He was alien and she did not know the proper ways of parting. Frankly, she didn't care.
Tom smiled as she left the room. It was much too easy to manipulate this administration. It seemed like the right person was in power now. There had been a time that Tom worried this country was in danger of becoming truly united. The technology he had given them had all the power of good and evil. Now with the country sufficiently divided, and if this woman was any indication of the resistance her race would face, it was time to begin the invasion. They were sending the alien home. Tom could almost hear the cries of regret when the reckoning came.
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, July 31st, 2018


I wish there was less truth in the theme of this story. The United States has benefited in uncountable ways from those that have come here from other lands. Each time this country has divided us by superficial means it has left a scar. We need to stop this self-harm in the name of political expediency, which makes me think: With over 70 years of alien evidence and overwhelming area 51 documentation, the truth seems undeniable. We need our aliens. You would think the administration would be more cautious with their approach to the illegal alien dilemma, but plainly there is a problem.

- Justin William Cary

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