Cheat Day
by J. Bear McKenna
"Behold!" Professor von Brandt bellowed. His voice echoed throughout the laboratory. "A vegan cabbage!"
Chuck eyed the leafy green head sitting on a sterile chrome tray. "I dunno, professor. Normal cabbage is already vegan."
Von Brandt slammed a fist into the table. Not his own fist, just one he had lying around from his last experiment. "You fool! Normal cabbage can't do this!"
He pulled a carrot from his lab coat pocket and thrust it at the cabbage. Chuck thought he was seeing things at first, shadows shifting across ridges on the cabbage's surface, until it growled. One ridge split down its middle. The cabbage sprang open, revealing a maw of glistening white teeth, stacked row upon row. It shot forward, snagging the carrot out of the professor's hand. Orange pulp leaked out as it noisily chewed.
"Wow, professor, that's incredible! You made a sentient plant." Why he made it so toothy, Chuck didn't want to ask.
"Incredible, yes. Alas, it is yet imperfect."
