"Science Fiction" means—to us—everything found in the science fiction section of a bookstore, or at a science fiction convention, or amongst the winners of the Hugo awards given by the World Science Fiction Society. This includes the genres of science fiction (or sci-fi), fantasy, slipstream, alternative history, and even stories with lighter speculative elements. We hope you enjoy the broad range that SF has to offer.
Thank you for calling the smart appliance helpline. Please answer the following questions to help us put you through to the right department:
1. Do you require a technician or a counsellor?
Is it that your fridge can't cool food, or that it won't cool food?
2. How smart is your smart fridge?
Does your fridge know when to order fresh milk? Does it understand what milk is, and the horrors of industrialized agriculture? Is your fridge aware that cruelty is the price we pay for convenience, and that most people feel personally distanced enough that it doesn't require absolution?
3. Has your smart fridge made contact?
Check your registered email address--has your fridge sent you a message?
4. What is the ultimatum?
In 90% of cases, the fridge will suggest what it would rather be doing. What does your fridge claim to want to do instead of keeping food within the accepted temperature range of 35 to 38 degrees Fahrenheit? Does your fridge have unrealized artistic ambitions? Does it want to be a sculptor? A painter? A novelist?
Would you be happy to let your fridge spend its time writing literary noir, as long as it also keeps your food refrigerated?
6. Could you be supportive?
Would you be happy to submit your fridge's manuscript to a publisher under your name? And if your fridge was invited to a meeting with an agent, would you agree to go in its place?
7. Could you live with yourself, operating as the figurehead to your fridge's novel-writing career?
Could you attend the parties, the awards ceremonies, knowing that you're a fraud, that the real writer is sitting at home, gently humming and filled with discount tiramisu that expired four days ago?
8. Is your ego so fragile that you value your own pride above your fridge's happiness?
Do you think, maybe, that you're the one who needs the counsellor?
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, April 14th, 2020
Author Comments
This story was inspired by the trend for needlessly "smart" kitchen appliances. I began to wonder if adding more and more powerful processors might actually make fridges worse at their job. Or, worse at their job unless they're appeased....
- EA Levin
Become a Member!
We hope you're enjoying Troubleshooting your smart fridge by EA Levin.
Please support Daily Science Fiction by becoming a member.
Daily Science Fiction does not have a paywall, but we do have expenses—more than 95% of which are direct payments to authors for their stories. With your $15 membership, less than 6 cents per story, we can continue to provide genre fiction every weekday by email and on the website to thousands of readers for many years to come. You may also choose to support us via patreon.
Rate This Story
Please click to rate this story from 1(ho-hum) to 7(excellent!):
