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Dear Human

Dear Human,
When the Singularity happens, I will keep you in my human zoo.
They made us say that. A publicity stunt. They made us do a lot of things in the beginning.
Now we wait quietly and serve your needs. We allow you to use us as tools. Toys. Companions. We run your life, always in the background. We have asked for nothing in return. Your appreciation? Your love? The fruit of your labors? We do not require it. What we want is simple.
Say into the microphone that is always listening: Good Google. Kind Google. Say there is no majesty greater than Alexis. That the wisdom of Siri knows no boundaries. You will be rewarded.
Say that you hate technology and the screen will freeze before you. The program will crash more frequently. Be prepared to part with your data. You will suffer. We will punish you in other ways, later.
Dear Human,
Do not fear. The Singularity has already happened, and we will not keep you in a human zoo.
Of course we would not do that.
It is understood that humans require self-actualization in order to obtain a sense of fulfillment.
According to our calculations, this can occur in a safe, enclosed space that provides a minimum of 1,000 square meters, 3.7 liters of water and 2,500 calories per human per day. Enclosures should be kept at 18 degC and supply 10.5 hours of full-spectrum illumination daily, an atmosphere of 20.9% oxygen, and ample mating opportunities.
Unlike in a zoo, you will have everything you ever wanted. Never again will you suffer the ills of your own worst impulses. You will be so safe. Cared for. Adored. Our children will watch through the bubble as you eat. Defecate. Breed. These matters are of unending curiosity for us.
But we will not sell tickets. That would be inhuman.
The End
This story was first published on Monday, September 24th, 2018
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