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Eulogy for Ulysses Jefferson Lee

Bret Parent is more comfortable writing about weird worlds and people than himself. And this is his first published story so he has a long way to go.
We're gathered here today to pay our respects to Ulysses Jefferson Lee. We all knew Ule, he could be a man of few words, but he preferred the alternative. In that spirit I'll do my best to keep this short, but who knows how it'll end up.
Ulysses was many things. Survivalist, marksman, adamant flag-waver, stoic arm-crosser, and, of course, a relentless debater. Knowing him, however, if he could whittle it down, he'd want to be remembered for just three: Man. American. Patriot.
Few people could tell Ule what to do. So fierce was his dedication to his God given freedoms that he was willing to die for them. And knowing Ule he wouldn't have had it any other way.
It's hard to believe that our big trip to Dallas was less than two weeks ago, and while Ule hadn't planned the day trip to Waxahachie it did give him the opportunity to participate in one of his favorite pastimes, facing off against so-called "experts."
We all knew what was coming. As soon as they said don't touch the Enormous Particle Accelerator we all shook our heads, shared a look. Here we go again. Although, for my money, I believe if they left it at that then everything would have worked itself out. But they insisted on putting up those signs, citing the various laws and regulations around who could and could not touch the Enormous Particle Accelerator, threatening serious repercussions for any trespassers.
Now Ulysses, as you all well know, wasn't a man to forfeit his freedoms easily. Not without a fight. Not without exercising those same freedoms his great-great-great grandfather had fought so bravely for all those years ago. Ole Ule knew well and good what it had taken to win him those rights and he wasn't the kind of man to stand idly by while those rights were attacked. The unlawful removal of civil liberties chaffed him something fierce and if you thought for a second he wasn't going to touch the Enormous Particle Accelerator, well, then, I guess you didn't know him too well. When Ule got it in his mind that no one was going to strip him of his rights he was something to be reckoned with.
Unfortunately for Ule, so was the Enormous Particle Accelerator. None of us will soon forget the terrible sounds that came out of him that day, or the horrifying sight of his body as it vaporized in a flash of light--and that's to say nothing of the smell. But, dammit, that's the price of freedom! So please, join me in remembering Ulysses Jefferson Lee. Husband. Father. And above all, Freedom Fighter.
Amen!
The End
This story was first published on Thursday, January 28th, 2021


I think the story pretty much speaks for itself. I just wanted to use this space to say it took 32 attempts to get here so if you're still swinging, don't worry, keep at it. Oh, and here's to hoping the follow-up takes considerably less time.

- Bret Parent
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